One time in like 5th grade I had this teacher and she gave us all bottles of shit like this and told us to squeeze it all out and of course we were like fuck yeah and did it and then she said, “Now, try and shove it all back in the container.” Of course we all tried, and then stared at her confused as shit. When we all obviously gave up, she said, “In the moment, you were so consumed with what you were doing that you didn’t realize the mess you were making. Then, after it was so quickly and easily poured out, you realize it is impossible to put it all back in. Remember this for the rest of your lives when it comes to the words that come out of your mouth” and we were like 10 so we were like yeah ok whatever lady, but somehow to this day I think of it constantly.
A shape in a drape A well-dressed person. “Usually she just wears jeans, but she sure is a shape in a drape in that dress.”
Bright disease To know too much. “He has bright disease. Make sure he doesn’t rat us out.”
Claws sharp Being well-informed on a number of subjects. “Reading Mental Floss keeps your claws sharp.”
Dixie fried Drunk. “It’s Friday and the eagle flies tonight. Let’s go get dixie fried.”
Everything plus Better than good-looking. “He wasn’t just built, he was everything plus.”
Focus your audio Listen carefully. “Shut your trap and focus your audio. This is important.”
Gin mill cowboy A bar regular. (A gin mill is a bar.) “Cliff Clavin was the _flossiest gin mill cowboy of all time.”
Hanging paper Paying with forged checks. “I hope that chick who stole my purse last week goes to jail for hanging paper.”
Interviewing your brains Thinking. “I can see you’re interviewing your brains, so I’ll leave you alone.”
Jungled up Having a place to live, or specific living arrangements. “All I know is that he’s jungled up with that guy he met at the gin mill last month.”
Know your groceries To be aware, or to do things well. (Similar to Douglas Adams’ “know where your towel is.”) “You can’t give a TED Talk on something unless you really know your groceries.”
Lead sled A car, specifically one that would now be considered a classic model. “His parents gave him their old lead sled for his sixteenth birthday.”
Mason-Dixon line Anywhere out of bounds, especially regarding personal space. “Keep your hands above the Mason-Dixon line, thanks.”
Noodle it out Think it through. “You don’t have to make a decision right now. Noodle it out and call me back.”
Off the cob Corny. “Okay, some of this old Beat slang is kinda off the cob.”
Pearl diver A person who washes dishes. “I’m just a pearl diver at a greasy spoon, but it’s a job.”
Quail hunting Picking up chicks. “I’m going quail hunting and you’re my wingman.”
Red onion A hole in the wall; a really crappy bar. “I thought we were going somewhere nice but he just took me to the red onion on the corner.”
Slated for crashville Out of control. “That girl’s been in college for five minutes and is already slated for crashville.”
Threw babies out of the balcony A big success; interchangeable with “went down a storm.” “I was afraid the party would suck, but it threw babies out of the balcony.”
Used-to-be An ex, a person you used to date. “I ran into my used-to-be in Kroger’s and I looked terrible.”
Varicose alley The runway in a strip club. “Stay in school or you’ll be strutting varicose alley, girls.”
Ways like a mowing machine An agricultural metaphor for impressive sexual technique, from the song “She’s a Hum Dinger” by Buddy Jones. “She’s long, she’s tall / She’s a handsome queen / She’s got ways like a mowing machine.” (Let us know if any of you ever successfully pull this one off in conversation.)
X-ray eyes To understand something, to see through confusion. “That guy is so smart. He’s got x-ray eyes.”
Yard A thousand dollars. “Yeah, it’s nice, but rent is half a yard a week. Let’s jungle up somewhere else.”
Zonk on the head A bad thing. “It stormed all night and we lost power, but the real zonk on the head was when hail broke the bedroom window.”
“Noun is a playful artist’s book about words and their definitions. It is like an exquisite corpse with words.
Starting with 27 real English words, each word and its definition has been divided into two parts. By turning the pages, you get to mix and match the word halves to create humorous and nonsensical new words and meanings.
With over 700 different combinations, this book is the perfect item for bibiophiles, lexicographers, writers, and any lover of words.
Here are a few examples of words and definitions you can put together:
whisper + umbrella = whisbrella: A low sibilan utterance for sheltering one from rain and sun. banana + onomatopoeia = bananpoeia: A large herbaceous perennial tropical plant that bears fruit imitating the sound of the thing or action signified. muffin + tyrant = muffrant: A quick bread made of batter unrestrained by law or constitution. nomenclature + ancestry = nomencestry: A system or set of names for things derived from, or possessed by, an ancestor or ancestors.”